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Most Parents Avoid Talking About This With Their Own Kids... I Do!

Recently, my 9-year old son has been asking questions that I don't know how to respond to. I usually have answers right away for his endless questions about life, meaning of words and phrases. This time I was tongue-tied when he asked these type of questions. My son is growing fast so I guess I must deal with it.

I asked a few experts to help me how to respond or how to talk to him about... er drum roll please... it's about...

s3x.

Yes! That's what he has been curious about! Oh Dear!

For instance, the other night we were watching Apollo 13. I was confident that the film doesn't need parental guidance until one particular scene appeared on screen. Kevin Bacon got out of shower to answer his phone then his girlfriend poked her head out of the shower.

 

A scene from the movie Apollo 13

EJ was a little bit shocked and said,

That's rude! And, how did they fit inside the shower? I don't think they should do that!

All I said to him was,

They were saving water.

EJ went on

Maybe the woman was wearing bra and panty.

I didn't say anything further.

Most parenting experts said that parents should respond to their kids truthfully. But how does one do that? In the Philippines, talking about this topic openly is taboo!

Here are the questions that bugged me:

How Soon Should Parents Teach Children About S3x?
At what age should children be informed about s3x?
Should it be as soon as they ask what is s3x?
How should I have responded when my child asked?

Below are some responses from experts:

One basic point would be that if a very young child asks a question, the parent

Kimberley A. Johnson, author and creator (with her mother) of Ark Stories Publishing:(have a book out for v+rgins titled The V+rgin Diaries. 72 stories from men and women describing what it feels like emotionally as well as physically to have first time s3x. It was also created as a tool for parents to bring up the awkward subject. We can offer advice about what information should be given at different ages and why telling the truth is the better way to go.)

should answer the question truthfully but not giving the child more information than they asked for. Many parents feel like kids should not know about s3x. But at very young ages, they see and hear about it through movies, commercials, internet. If parents make s3x a big deal, it becomes a big deal to the child. If the parent treats s3x like math or science, the big "mystery" of it is not as much of an issue. Last, when parents leave schools and peers to be the source of information, they are doing themselves and their own child a disservice.

We should begin to tell children about s3x at the same time we begin naming objects in their

Tara Mills, a Marriage Counselor with Subspecialty in S+ex therapy. She owns a private practice in Charleston SC that specializes in relationships and s3x.

environment( "dog", 'cup", "daddy" etc.) Start telling them about s3x at the beginning of life. Of course age appropriate material is important. Research shows that when children are informed about their body parts and s3x they are less likely to be s3xually abused.

I wish I knew in 2nd grade, .. because while being molested I had no idea... about

Ginny Scales, author of www.whatisnormal.tv

right and wrong in that area,,What bodies should do ! Young children are curious, and it is normal to play doctor/house imagine not knowing anything and a grownup wants to play......

Treat this topic as you would Santa. Don't worry about how you'll answer

Lorraine Esposito, Professional Coach, Peacemaker Coaching
Type: ACAD (Academic Institution / College / University). She is the author of Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime. Professional coach, coach training instructor and mentor coach for the world's largest coach training organization.

the question, focus on the developmental stage of the child asking the question. Never, ever, lie and always, always answer the question asked.

~

More responses from experts soon.

~

What would you tell your own child?






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EJ Responded with: "Huh?! What About My Wife?"

That photo is my son, EJ, when he was just 2 years old, helping Mommy put away clean spoon and forks from dishwasher to their designated drawer.



 I was transferring cleaned plates from our (automatic) dishwasher to cupboard while EJ was busy playing with his lego. I didn't see him walk up to where I was but he just started helping Mommy. He was so cute then doing that. Thankfully, my digicam was within reach so I clicked away as he did his chore at only 2 years old!

Guess what? I didn't have to tell him where to put the spoon and forks. He just knew which drawer!

I took loads of photos as he walked back and forth because I thought someday I can show him that "he used to" help Mommy. I guess this is the time, he turned 9 last summer.

At 7, EJ has been routinely doing simple household chores like putting his toys back in the toy box, putting his socks, underwear and folded clothes into his clothes cabinet. At dinner time, he sets the dinner table and gets the drinks for us. He also clears and cleans the dinner table after we finish our meal.

Last year, I've added more chores to his list. I taught him to sweep his own bedroom floor, empty the dish drainer and taught him how to fold blankets and towels.

Sometimes he does chores dutifully. Just last week, he surprised me when he folded the towels by himself without me showing him how. Most of the time though, I have to remind him, especially clearing his toys off his bedroom floor and sweeping it.  He'd do it eventually after I shouted at him the third or fourth time.

But recently, he started firing questions like,

Why do I have to do this, Mommy? All I wanna do is play!

He asked that question when I was showing him how to wash dinnerware, spoons and forks. My reply was,

So that when you grow up and living by yourself, you know what to do. And so you know how to clean up after yourself.

You know son, when I worked abroad, I didn't know how to cook, how to wash my own clothes or do other household chores. It was difficult especially I was by myself. I cried and cried for months!

To my astonishment and perplexity, EJ's response was:

Huh?! What about my wife?

I almost dropped the dinner plate I was cleaning and wanted to burst into laughter, but didn't.

Dumbfounded, I did stare at him and thought to myself,

Why did he respond like that? At his very young age, does he see women as plain wives who should do all the chores at home? 

It was funny but I didn't dare laugh so I told him,

Son, not only women should do chores at home. Men should also do it.


Husbands should also help their wives do chores. Your Daddy is very good at tidying, you know.

Well, I just made that last one up.

I was never taught how to cook when I a kid, even when I reached adolescent years. So I struggled a little on feeding myself when I worked abroad. Most of the time I purchased ready-to-eat meals for myself to survive.

Now, let's not blame my mother for not teaching me and my sisters how to cook and do other chores. She worked really hard to buy all our books so all we need to do was read, read, and read which I loved. I read most academic books before school days start when I was a kid.

How soon do you think kids should know how to do household chores? Do you (or would you) teach your children to help cleaning the house?



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Vous pouvez être authentique Monsieur Sonnette, mais

Pardon my French Mr. Doorbell! This ain't exactly about you and I just want to let it all hang out here without being too mean because I know you mean well. Oh that sounds odd! But if you aren't dim-witted you'll get it. Then again, you are very good looking, so you probably can be as dim-witted as the others displaying themselves topless.

Keeping up yet? Don't worry, it won't be too bloody. No one wants pee-brained entertainer explode his pretty head, do we?

First, your event was so unorganized that the dunderheaded host, (I don't know and can't tell if male or female) can't decide what to say or do while waiting for your grand entrance.

Second and worst, was your collection of German Shepherds!

Whether you are genuinely kind or not, Mr. Doorbell, but the German Shepherds a.k.a. bodyguards around you turned your fun-yet-tacky event into insignificant and exasperating event!

If I may suggest, on your next event, Doorbell. Decide what to do and how to execute your event without the need for shrieking uncivilized fans to chase you that others get dragged and pushed. The German Shepherds need to be sent to Cesar Millan for further training so they know how to use their wee brains more than their muscles so they don't forcefully push people.

Let me ask you this Doorbell: who'd want to be forcefully pushed away from their own child?

A protective mother can push German Shepherds too like I did when they forcefully pushed me away from my son. Y'know, If not for those German Shepherds, we'd probably patronize you even if we don't really know you and even if I had to keep translating.

I'm done slicing you up on the web.

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