Silent Cry of a Mother

A couple of hours earlier, Elijah and I were chatting to Nanay (my Mother, who is currently working in Jubail, Saudi Arabia) through webcam. The last time Nanay and I saw each other in person was 8 years ago when she visited me in Al Khobar (segue: the only time she met Sean - when we secretly arranged for a meetup at a shop under the nose of the security. In Saudi, it's against the law to interact with opposite sexes. That's entirely different story but I will write about it next time.)

I have a child of my own now and I can't last being away from him so I know how much she truly missed me and my sisters. She was very disappointed too that when she went home last year, we weren't there. I just said that it was wrong timing for us to go home. So, the only best thing we could do was 'IM' with her and my sisters. Almost everyday when she was there in the Philippines, she was crying because we weren't all together. I can't do anything because I'm miles away and have to be strong for my own son and not weepy.

If I could, I would do something for us 3 sisters and our mother to be together. However, we have our own lives now to worry about. Maybe when I'm much older and my son shuts his door on me and work abroad, I will fully understand Nanay's sorrow for her daughters.

Anyways, as usual we tried to keep her entertained (well, Elijah was making faces and stuff, and sang for her "You're Beautiful" on American Idol ps3). However, all these were not enough to keep her happy. She was sulking that I won't even bother to show my face on webcam. I did sometimes let her see me in my miserable state (my hair wasn't brushed and I wasn't really in the mood to be jolly; and anyways I never want my face on cam because I prefer to stay behind it and be the family photographer or videographer. Although, of course, as seen on this page, I have photos which a proof that I occasionally let my family to take.)

As we were saying our good nights to Nanay and right before I signed off, I noticed that she was crying and must have been crying silently because she stopped talking for awhile and was just typing her messages. I felt bad that she was depressed and that I was causing it.

I know that no matter how many times we'd say 'I love yous' through messenger, it's not enough. Nonetheless, I hope that distance only separate us all physically but not in our hearts.

This rose is for you, Nanay.